Masters Home Improvement

How does a family of four survive a massive renovation? I have no idea but I’m about to find out! I’m planning to transform our rundown shack into a dream home, and I’ve decided to document it all in my very first blog. Meet me, PJ, with my hubby Frank and our kids, Sam and Ella – welcome to our story.

The countdown begins as we pack up all our worldly possessions.  

11 January 2012

The pre-Christmas run-around is always frantic, but this one was ridiculous. By Christmas Eve, I could barely see our wonky old plastic Chrissie tree. Boxes and piles of stuff filled the living room – all the bits and bobs we won’t need during the reno. I had no idea we owned so much stuff til it was all packed up. I wish I could just throw it all away and start again!

Mind you, I blame Frank more than anyone. He’s such a horder. Old books (never read), hundreds of mixed-tape cassettes (why? we don’t own a cassette player!), a large box marked ‘Letters - Personal’ (from old girlfriends?!)… not to mention 900 vinyl LPs that should have been binned years ago.

Then he starts on about my cookbook collection. Okay, quite a few haven’t even been opened, but once I get my new swanky kitchen, I’m planning to cook up a storm.

Anyway, nearly everything is packed in cardboard boxes and we’ve tossed whatever we can bear to part with. Soon The Great Wall of Cardboard Boxes will be carted away to a nearby self-storage centre. Not only that, I labelled every box (well, you can’t help it when you’re a librarian!).

Initially, these labels were a complete rundown of everything the box contained – Scissors (1); Salt & Pepper Shakers (2); Tea Towels (8). But the system was way too time-consuming and soon broke down. Most boxes are now jammed to bursting point and have a label like Kitchen - Assorted Stuff or Frank’s Things.

Hopefully, I’ll still be able to find all the winter clothes at the storage unit when it starts getting colder. (I think the box is labelled Warm Stuff). We won’t need them for a few months but it could be earlier than expected. Once the back of the wall is demolished, the wind will be whistling up everyone’s trouser legs.

To get Sam and Ella involved, I encouraged them to take photos of favourite toys, and stick them on the lids of the boxes. Again, a great idea that fell by the wayside way sooner than expected. The kids started with good intentions but ended up taking 100s of photos of each other pulling faces and messing around.

All I know is that the minute we send off all the boxes, Sam will suddenly need one of his old computer games, while Ella will be sobbing because she packed away that scraggly teddy bear. And of course, we’ll have no idea where they put them!

But wait for this …I even planned to categorise everything and match it on my laptop in an amazing spreadsheet. If I needed essential salad servers, I would be able to do a quick drive to the storage unit and have it in my hot little hand in less than nine minutes, depending on traffic. But I didn’t get much further than anything starting with the letter ‘G’. It means the salad servers will never be found.

I should have known it was doomed to failure when Frank jumped on board. A Dymo label maker in his hot hand, he started creating his own categories – PJ: Clothes That Don’t Fit and Self Help Books - Unused…

He then spent hours alphabetising his endless LPs. Fortunately, I’d already packed away the turntable –– phew!

Jeff the builder and his team will be arriving in less than a fortnight, just a few days before Australia Day and (finally) the start of school. Even though Jeff keeps hinting that we should move out during the reno, we’re settling in for summer … unless the dust, demolition and unexpected dramas send us all packing.

As I mentioned in earlier blogs, one side of the house will be demolished first, and when that’s completed, the other side will go next. It means the kitchen will be up and running in the first stage, and the upstairs bathroom will keep us (reasonably) clean during the process. (You can see the photo of the upstairs toilet with the charming green peeling wallpaper. This is our lifesaver during the reno, but the pink one downstairs is on its last legs!)

The only difficult time will be when the electricity and water is switched off. Then we’ll have to throw ourself onto friends, family and neighbours. I suppose we’ll find out just how popular we really are.

My next job is to re-organise upstairs. It’s going to be a nightmare with all of us living in the master bedroom; clothes in the middle room; and a lounge room/home office/homework room in Ella’s small room. But I keep telling myself that it won’t last forever.

I’m going to keep just the bare essentials in the kitchen, and I’ve already collected a pile of home delivery menus from nearby cafes. I know that’s going to cost, but we have to eat! And there’s always Sunday roast at my folks’ place.

What I’m most worried about is losing the laundry (even though it’s pretty tragic, as you can see in the photo below). It’s part of the first stage, and that’s the one thing that makes me nervous. Sure, Frank and I have lived in tiny apartments with no laundry in the past, but when you have kids, it’s a different story.

Our lovely neighbour has said we can use her laundry, but she has no idea of the towering mountains of filthy clothes I wash each week. I’l just have to go day by day. If Sam and Ella end up looking like poor house kids in Oliver, well so be it.

It’s less than a fortnight until all the action starts. Despite the warm days, I’m staying incredibly cool and calm, no matter how much whinging I hear from Sam and Ella (“Why can’t we have friends over? When can we go to the beach? What – you’re packing up the TV??? For how many days? Can we go to the beach then?” and so on, and so on.)

And Frank’s not much better. (“Has anyone seen my box of letters? What’s for lunch?”) There’s so much to do and he’s spent most of today carefully packing all his old vinyl singles he hasn’t played in 25 years. He’s happily alphabetising and categorising, then packing them in a series of padded boxes. Oh well, at least it keeps him out of my hair.

Keep up with PJ and her family renovation exploits with an update every few weeks.